LGBT Books for Pride Month pt.1 - The Song of Achilles

-WARNING: Spoilers Ahead-

It has been 7 days since I finished The Song of Achilles, a gay tragedy focused on the main character, Patroclus, and his lover, Achilles, and their entire relationship up until they die, and I have been in mourning ever since.

This book gives me the same exact emotions I get when I think of Past Lives, BUT I can confidently say that this is now my favorite book every written. I've never read a book that has moved me as much as this one has. THIS is how love should be. They are two completely different people who love each other unconditionally because of and despite their differences. They were together for 18 years before death split them apart and then they came back together in the afterlife.

When I first started this book, it had been almost a year ago, so I had forgotten most of the details that were in the beginning parts of the book, however I would love to have a chance to pick the book up again and re-read it so that I can experience all these emotions and thoughts again the second time.

The middle and end, of course, are still very fresh in my mind since the moment I put the book down. Now, I had never read the Iliad before, so I had absolutely no idea that our beloved Patroclus would have died, but when I thought about it, it suddenly made sense to me because there had to be a reason for Achilles to kill Hector, the person that killed him. It also made Achilles dream of the moment he died make more sense because he said that he wasn't worried about dying after killing Hector in his dream. Because he wanted to died after Patroclus died, knowing he couldn't live without him.

I also loved the scenes, after Patroclus' death, where he is not ready to let go and face the reality of the situation and so he keeps his body around while he's mourning. And on the day that he chooses to die, he properly burns Patroclus' body and tells his comrades to mix their ashes together. I cried when I read this. THIS IS TRUE LOVE. If I don't have a lover that wants to mix our ashes together when we die, then I don't want this person.

The ending especially made me cry when they finally met in the afterlife. It was a bittersweet feeling reading that last line of the book because, yeah they're dead, but at least they're together for the rest of their (after)lives without the looming threat of war in the background. They can just be happy together and be who they were before they went to Troy.

I saw some criticisms of the book saying that the author made Patroclus a weak and more feminized version of the real Patroclus, which is rude because what's wrong with being feminine? I disagree with these criticisms wholeheartedly simple because of the fact that it's in Patroclus' point of view. He is an exiled prince who had people telling him his whole life that he would amount to nothing. He's not going to think of himself as this brave and powerful person, especially when status mean so much back in Ancient Greece. I think Ms. Miller wanted him to be more of a pacifist in this book in order to contrast Achilles and make him more opposed to the war, especially since he knows Achilles will die in battle. I also think that's what makes his character development at the end so amazing! He never saw himself as this big, great warrior like Achilles was always said to be, but then his hatred and disapproval of the war took over his mind and he fought! He fought like the person he always was inside. He was spearing men left and right, and even tried to get into Troy by himself! Eventually, it did become his downfall, but I think the decision to make his true self show in his last moments was an excellent one. Even if he didn't have a battle scene like the one in this book, I still think he would've been a hero, the best of the Myrmidons, because he saved so many people's lives by his kind and selfless acts, such as saving Briseis and the other enslaved girls from becoming slaves for the other Kings, and patching up the soldiers when they were wounded for war. I think that should be celebrated more than the men he killed in battle, but, as always, men will prioritize perceived manliness that the values of a person.

It took me so long to write this blog because I was still trying to come to terms with the ending of this tragic story of love and loss, but after writing this and getting my thoughts out I feel a lot better about how it ended. Unfortunately, no one understands gay love like I do, but that's ok. I'm just happy that Achilles and Patroclus got the happy ending that they deserved after all, eating figs together under a shady tree by the river and telling each other all the things they left unsaid.

K.L.